… and prologue, if that counts. So yeah, I'm still doing this. Reading every word on every page of every book, followed by one of my signature written rants about how much it all sucks. Except that, to my immense surprise, the first chapter of Twilight isn't as awful as I remembered. Its not great, or even especially compelling, but weirdly tolerable all the same.
Plot: There is a prologue. The narrator is about to die. She's cool with it. Something good happened that lets her go peacefully. Prolgue ends, first chapter starts, and we meet the immortal Bella Swan. She whines. About everything. I contemplate slapping her for whining. She voluntarily exiles herself to Forks, Washington. Where it rains. A lot. We meet her father, Chief of Police Charlie Swan. He has bought her an old pickup truck as a homecoming gift. Bella whines more. She goes to school. Mopes about not fitting in. Sees the Cullen family in the cafeteria. Is astonished at their sheer gorgeousness. Edward Cullen is in her Biology class, and seems to hate her. He tries to switch sections. Fails. Bella whines about his irrational dislike. Goes home, trying not to cry. Finis.
Rant: Lets get this out of the way up front: Stephenie Meyer is an incompetent writer. Truly, deeply, and possibly irredeemably crappy. I'm willing to be patient, because this is the first chapter of her first published book, but Good God. Telling instead of showing, constant dialogue attribution, adverbs every third word… its like she was given "The Elements of Style" as a Christmas gift, but instead of reading she burned it and took a crap on the ashes. I'll doubtless have more to say about this in the weeks and months ahead, but suffice it to say that William Gibson she aint.
The plot is…meh. Derivative, and the shoddy presentation doesn't help, but the archetypes she's using are enduring for a reason. We all love outsiders, believing that the ugly duckling can morph into a beautiful Swan (get it?) and win the prince. I guess this, more than anything, is the reason I didn't actively despise the chapter. Bella is shown here as a truly, existentially depressed human being. Yes, her problems are more mild inconvenience than torture, but part of being a teenager is learning that the little everyday pains mean nothing in determining one's lifelong happiness. And really, she doesn't seem like a bad kid. The interaction with her father is stiffly written, but its also clumsy and sweet and genuinely human. Weird as it might sound, I want this girl to do well.
The part with the (spoiler alert!) vampire family is pure plot device at this point. They aren't characters yet, so we'll leave discussion of them for another day. I have to say though, I like the possibilities of putting vampires in highschool. Bram Stoker's Dracula is a powerfully sexual, carnal creature. Hormonal teenagers thinking about penetration all the time…. Well, hopefully I don't have to draw anyone a map. Good night, interwebs. Chapter 2 tomorrow.
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