In which Bella is stupid, humanity is awful, and your blogger ponders the nature of secrets. Also, Edward is back. This does not fill me with eternal joy.
Plot: Bella and two other girls whose names I still haven't bothered to learn go to Port Angeles to buy dresses for the upcoming dance everyone is so inexplicably obsessed with. They shop, and make what I'm sure SM fondly imagines could be called "girl talk." Because, obviously, humans of the female persuasion talk about boys, clothing, shoes and absolutely nothing else. They finish early, and Bella splits away from the other two in order to find a bookstore. She walks into the wrong part of town, and gets "herded" into a trap by a bunch of men with less-than-honorable intentions. Edward, long lost and not even slightly missed, shows up, scatters the bad dudes, and hilariously demands Bella distract him so that he won't turn his shiny volvo around and rip out their throats (ed. why not, dammit?). He and Bella go to dinner, passing and dismissing the other girls on their way in. Edward dazzles every woman in the restaurant. Oh, and he's been following Bella all night. Dear Bella: when a guy stalk you without permission, you're allowed to call the police. Your father, for example. Bella does pretty much the exact opposite of that. Oh, and Edward can read minds. That's probably important. Anyways, Edward puts his head in his hand (ed. really?) and they declaim at each other a while longer before leaving. Finis.
Rant: You know, I've read a lot of novels in my life. Many of them featured characters I didn't like. And that's cool. Great villains are one of the markers of quality literature, especially the action/adventure/sf/f I've always loved. So, disliking a character, their actions and personality and driving forces, is nowhere near being a dealbreaker. Usually the opposite, in fact. All that said, Edward Cullen is the first literary character I've actively despised. I mean this on two levels. First, Edward Cullen the person (I strongly believe we should treat characters as people within the diegetic world), is disgusting. He follows Bella, robs her of any and all agency in determining her actions, and treats other people as lesser lifeforms. THAT'S NOT ROMANTIC, JACKASS. Second, I absolutely hate the thought process that went into creating him. As said above, great books almost always have great villains. Except, as I'm sure you've noticed, Edward is supposed to be the hero. SM wants us to see this creepy, arrogant, condescending, stalkerish prick as a knight-in-armor, come to rescue the helpless female who can't possibly be entrusted with the awesome responisbility of navigating through the big, scary world all by her lonesome. Seriously, read this chapter, notice how every single woman is ready to spread their legs for Edward, and tell me SM isn't a misogynist.
I spent four years in Hartford, CT, counting sirens every night as I lay in bed. Thing was, I never had a bit of trouble in the city. Partially because I'm not an idiot about this stuff, but mostly because the vast majority of people are productive members of society who really have no interest in hurting anyone. Wht I'm trying to get at is this: SM's view of humanity is horrible. The men Bella encounters are brutish, sex-obsessed, and barely evolved past ape-level. So, the choice becomes between living in that world, and giving in to the alabaster prison of Cullen-style ownership. Those aren't the only options, folks.
Other things… How funny is it when Edward tells Bella to distract him so he won't kill the would-be rapists? Honestly, I wish SM had the guts to have him turn around and start shredding jugulars. That, at least, would force the characters into interesting moral dilemmas and choices. As is, this whole thing is so… bloodless (sorry, couldn't resist). Those other girls eat awfully fast. Its almost like their incompetent author needed a way to drop that mini-scene into the book, so she went ahead an did it, temporal conundrums be damned.
And I think that'll do it for another night. Stay classy, San Diego.
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