Plot: Bella wakes up, wondering if the previous night was a dream. To borrow a line from Inception, "You musn't be afraid to dream a little bigger darling." She finds Edward, en-volvo'd, waiting to drive her to school. By the way, fifty bucks to anyone who can explain SM's volvo fetish. Quality cars…but, come on. Give him something capable of breaking 100mph if you're going to mention it every damn page. They park next to E's sister's flashy car. I write "sportscar" just below "computer" on the list of things Stephenie Meyer has clearly never seen. Guess that explains the volvo business. Which is sad, since she's a kajillionaire and could buy a different Lambo for every day of the week, if she wasn't so busy polluting the publishing industry with this drivel. Anyways, Bella spends the day being interrogated by her friend whose name I probably should've learned by now. She and big E meet for lunch, and spend that romantic interlude debating which of them loves the other more. Yes, really. Oh, and Edward eats mountain lions for fun. Finis.
Rant: This evening, we begin with a quote. "Has he kissed you yet?" -boring friend whose name I will now stop pretending to care about. And that, my friends, is the entire problem with this book, presented in a single excruciatingly shitty sentence for your mocking pleasure. What? My turn already? If you insist.
Bella is passive. Things happen to her, not because of her. Look at how she reacts to finding out her crush is a GODDAMN VAMPIRE. FYI, I refuse to refer to Edward as her boyfriend. That term would imply a relationship, which only happens when people have common interests and mutual passion and actual conversations. But I digress. Bella treats the vampirism news as a mildly diverting, even pleasantly interesting shift in her world. About how I react to finding out the RedSox made a big trade, basically. I can't say it enough, but this is not how real people act. This is what happens when a crappy amateur writer has a sexual fantasy and somehow makes a book out of it. Nice gig, if you can get it.
The other, and immense, issue with that quote is that it implies Bella's sexual future will be equally out of her control. Edward will decide when to kiss her, and presumably when to do other things. Unless we're living in Afghanistan and nobody told me, women are allowed a vote in these things too. There's lots of other stuff here I could dissect (haven't even touched on the lunch scene), but somehow the insides of my eyelids seem more interesting than this book, so I'm gonna call it a night. Peace.
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